Let Her Go
by EveryDayBella
Summary: They say hindsight is 20/20. But for musician Edward Cullen, it's a blurry collage of broken hearts, scarlet blood and Jack Daniels. *drabble fic* *based after the song by Passenger*
1. Chapter 1

This is the sad result of a over active mind and a being a total push over. I am warning you know this is going to be angsty. Angelycdevil and myherion1 poked the bear and here we are. good luck everyone and big thanks to the aformentioned for their help and support. Mwah!

oh if you're looking for my other stories, Love Story is with the beta and Home Ice will go as soon as she's done. Web of Fate is also with the beta and should be ready to go soon.

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Chapter 1

It was dark when I opened my eyes. My head was pounding, my mouth tasted like stale beer and day old mouthwash. I could barely remember what I did last night.

What did I do last night?

I remembered being on stage, feeling normal and alive. Then later at the club, drowning in whiskey and women. The hollow feeling in my gut never fully leaving.

She had had big tits and blond hair. She giggled like an idiot at everything I drunkenly slurred, but she was a decent fuck.

She was nothing like what I wanted, and everything that I hated about myself.

How poetic. I should write that down.

She was currently drooling on my pillow. What was her name? Jessica? Lauren? Rebecca? Oh, who the fuck cared? I just wanted her out of my bed.

Blindly, I groped for my phone.

_0 missed calls. 0 missed texts._

I didn't know why I was surprised.

I found a half empty bottle of Jack on the floor and took a swig. Might as well get started earily.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Hey everyone! Thanks for reading/reviewing. I love hearing from you. Just click the button down there. Big hugs to Angelycdevil and Myherion01 for making everything perfect. Mwah!

One quick note, this chapter is Edward talking talking about the past, thus the italics. Every other chapter will be like this. Just wanted to make sure there was no confusion.

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Chapter 2

_There was this girl. Her name was Bella. I was in love with her from the moment I saw her across the lecture hall when we were in college. She had big dark eyes, with thick, brown hair that cascaded down her sexy little body._

_I went up to her right after class and asked her out. To my surprise, she played coy with me. I followed her around campus while begging her for something, anything. She would only grin and say 'no.' I'd never had to work so hard for a girl, and I loved it._

_I finally caught her in the rain one day several months later. After our shared class I asked her out like I always did. She had grinned and told me that if I could catch her, then she would give me a reward. I chased her half way across campus before I finally managed to wrap my arms around her waist. We were both soaked through, and I had her pinned against the wall of the history building. She finally gave me a kiss, and I thought it would never end. Easily the best kiss of my life._

_It took everything in me to let her go._

God, I was an idiot.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** So how are we feeling out there? Thanks for sticking with me. Much love to MyHerion01 and AngelycDevil for shouty caps in my doc. Hehehe.

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Chapter 3

"Come on, Emmett. Stop cheating."

"Screw you, Jasper! I won that one fair and square. You just suck at minecraft."

"Because you cheat, fuckwad."

"Don't be such a pussy."

"Could you both shut the fuck up?" I heard myself saying while I resisted the urge to flick my cigarette at them.

"Screw you, Edward." Emmett flipped me off. "If you were writing then I might consider it, but you're just mooping and I don't feel sorry for you."

"Like you know anything." Months on the road had worn all our emotions thin. I knew it was normal, but at the same time Emmett and Jasper didn't understand bullshit. They were always more than happy to flaunt their relationships in my face. So, I hadn't written in a while. I was burned out. I needed a break.

"We know you screwed up and you hate yourself for it." Jasper's no-nonsense voice grated on my nerves. "If you think we haven't noticed how much you've been drinking, then you have no idea what's going on around you."

"I know perfectly well." I stood up, grabbing the beer I had been nursing. "Just keep your damned opinions to yourself."

"You're not the only one who's hurting. You know that right?"

I didn't even turn to face Emmett. I just slammed the door in his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Hello everyone! Let's keep this show on the road. Much love to AngelycDevil and Myheroin1 for everything they do for me. You should go check them out. Much more talented than I am, trust me.

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Chapter 4

_I didn't want to let her go after that kiss that seemed to knock my world's axis off tilt. I could only think about her and maybe getting her back to my place and between sheets._

_Bella never let me have the easy out. She made me promise her a date. A real date, at a restaurant, with roses, nice dancing, and all that shit. I went through a dozen hoops to make that night perfect. I even took out my earring and nose ring to fit in better at the place. There was nothing I could do about the tattoos, but they were mostly covered by my shirt._

_She was gorgeous. She was wearing this blue dress with a short skirt and a tantalizing amount of cleavage. Her legs went on for miles and her soft hair fell about her face._

_Although I ended up spending a fortune and was damned uncomfortable in that monkey suit, it was one of the best nights of my life. It made me sound like a pussy, but it was magical. Bella was whitty and charming, simply beautiful. What had begun as a simple itch to fuck her was turning into something more. I still wanted to fuck her, but I wanted to make her breakfast in the morning, too._

_Spinning her out across the dance floor and holding her tiny body close to my own was as contented as I had ever been. I didn't want anything else. I didn't want to be anywhere else. I was completely happy._

_That scared me more than anything else._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Not much to say other than thanks for staying with me. Lots have been asking, yes there will be some kind of HEA with Edward and Bella. He's got a long was to go yet but he'll get there.

Go check out Angelycdevil's and Myherion01's stories. They are the best.

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**Chapter 5**

Another venue, another paycheck.

It had been a couple weeks since Emmett, Jasper, and I had fought and they had called me out on being moopy. I was not being mopey. I didn't care what they said.

We were in North Dakota, in the fucking middle of nowhere. There wasn't even a club anywhere to blow off steam. The closest thing was a trucker bar about fifteen miles away. Not our normal scene, but then I didn't understand why were in a place surrounded by rednecks anyway.

I was hitting on a girl, a redhead this time, when this big guy sitting two stools away from me started to mutter about "those faggots."

I'd heard the same comments for years. I got my ears pierced when I was thirteen and my nose when I was sixteen. My first tattoo came the day I turned eighteen. Some people were just cruel, and with alcohol in my system I didn't have the best impulse control. "What's your problem?"

"Your face is my problem."

"It's a free country, dick. I'm just exercising my right."

"Well, I have a right to not look at you."

"Screw you, asshole."

"You better watch your mouth, boy."

"Edward, come on, let's go."

Emmett was tugging on my shoulder and I knew that Jasper was somewhere close as well. I wasn't budging, though.

"I'm not going anywhere. This asshat can leave if he doesn't want to look at me."

"Boy, I'll beat your face in."

"Try me, pencil dick."

I should have realized how big the trucker was. His meaty paws slammed into my face, breaking skin and snapping bone.

I wish that I could say that was the low point, but it wasn't.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Not much to say other than I love Angelycdevil and Myherion01. you should go read there stuff and leave them some love.**

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Chapter 6

_We've gone out for two months already, and I hadn't rounded second base. I loved it, but hated it at the same time. I was used to girls throwing themselves at me, and I rarely turned them down. Then again, those women didn't have the connection that Bella and I did._

_I went over one night after a long day in the studio. I was tired and pissy, but she handled it, gave me a beer, and sat me in front of the TV. We watched movies until two in the morning as I dozed off and on._

_I wasn't used to just sitting and not doing anything. I liked to move, to do things. With Bella's warm body next to mine however, it was nice, easy, simple. It felt like when we were dancing on our first date._

_That reminded me, I had something I had been planning on asking._

_"Bella?"_

_"Hum?" Bella murmured. I wondered, for a moment, if she was almost asleep._

_"I was just wondering if you wanted to go to one of our shows next week?"_

_"You want me there?"_

_The insecurity in her voice killed me. Maybe I hadn't done a good job expressing how much she already meant to me. I had no idea what this feeling in my chest was, but I felt excited and sick at the same time. "Yeah, I want you there. I mean, it's cool."_

_It wasn't cool. It was a huge part of who I was, and I wanted her there with me to experience it._

_"Then I'm there."_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay so, Angelycdevil (who is wonderful and awesome and all the good things) wrote me a birthday fic (AAAAAHHHHHH) Save that Light is a Destiel fic so if you Love Supernaturl you should go read it. I love it so much. Also, MyHerion01 has this story called The Missing. It is the most original fic that I have read in quite some time. Go check them out, yes?**

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Chapter 7

"Man, you are the luckiest and stupidest bastard that I have ever seen."

Emmett was not gentle when he was pissed. The trucker had beat me up pretty good before he and Jasper got us out of there. Emmett didn't enjoy causing pain, but I was pretty sure that he was enjoying it as he cleaned me up. Still, it was better him than Jasper who was quietly fuming on the couch.

"Your nose is broken, but you're damn lucky that it wasn't your jaw. What the fuck were you thinkin'?"

"It wasn't a big deal..."

"It wasn't a big deal." Jasper's deeper voice crudely mimicked my words. "Because you don't fucking think. Did you happen to think about what would happen to us if you had broken your jaw?"

"It wouldn't have happened like that."

"Just answer the damn question."

I sighed, and then yelped as the cloth Emmett used to clean a cut on my face burned. "I wouldn't have been able to sing."

"And if you hadn't been able to sing, what then, hum? We'd have to cancel the rest of the tour. Did you think about what would happen to Emmett, or I, or the guys on the crew that we're responsible for?"

"No, it's not..."

"Look, we're trying to be sympathetic here, Edward." Emmett didn't sound angry like Jasper, more resigned. "But there is only so much that we can take. The way you act affects everyone. you know that, right?"

Through the haze of alcohol, and maybe a mild concussion, I felt a little shame. They were right. I had only been thinking about me. Bella would have been appalled.

I quickly pushed that thought away. I didn't want to think about her or what she would think. I'd let down enough people in my life without thinking about her.

The problem was I didn't know how to stop.

"Just find something to focus on, Edward," Emmett muttered despondently. "Before you drag us all down with you."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So how is everyone out there feeling? Still good? Hurting? Frustrated? Well, maybe this chapter will make up for it.**

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Chapter 8

_The first show Bella came to was the best gig of my life. I couldn't see through the haze of spotlights and smoke, but I could feel her. I wanted to do my best for her. I won't lie, I may have shown off a little._

_I sang and screamed my heart out for her. I poured it all out, and turned up the charm. By the time we were done, I was buzzing. I was certain that no drug could ever get me higher._

_Through it all, though, there was only thing on my mind—Bella. I needed her. Tonight was the night. There was no stopping me now._

_Thank god she knew how to get back stage. As soon as she was there, I grabbed her arm and pinned her against the wall. I attacked her with every ounce of charged emotion in my body. I was a little unhinged, and luckily I didn't scare her off._

_She clung to my shoulders. I pulled her skirt up. One of us got my belt buckle undone. I buried two fingers into her hot, wet cunt as I swallowed her cries. She was so fucking good._

_I fucked her for the first time against that wall, and it was amazing. The next two times came later that night in her apartment. It had never been that good. I was on a high I couldn't come down from._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**** Hey everyone. Sorry it took so long to get this one out. Been a strange couple of days. I really love this chapter though. I'm looking forward to see what you guys think of it.**

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Chapter 9

It was dark. I couldn't see anything. There was nothing to be seen anyway. Nothing to be heard, but a dull roar and a metallic screech. I tasted rust, there was blood on my tongue.

My heart pounded against my chest. My mind raced. Adrenaline rushed through my system. I wanted to scream. Pain lanced up my leg and through my chest.

Something wasn't right though. This was too fuzzy, to indistinct, and I already knew what was going on. I didn't want this. I wanted to wake up. This was why I drank myself into a stupor every night. I wanted to chase away this fucking memory that always came back as a dream.

I hated reliving this memory. It made me crazy, sick even. I didn't understand why I had to be tortured like this. Weren't my waking nightmares bad enough?

There was a flash of red and yellow light and a sickening crunch. There was a scream, high pitched and horrific. They were screaming my name. It was a voice I knew far too well, and it drove ice through my veins.

Fire burned. Smoke stunned my eyes. I screamed. I never wanted to be back here. I would do anything to take this back. Anything.

I woke in a cold sweat alone for once. I hadn't picked up any girls at the bar for the first time that I could remember. I couldn't be more thankful for that. I could still hear the screams, the sirens, the shouting. The felt like being punched in the gut over, and over, and over.

I rolled over sobbing in my pillow. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**** I fucking love myherion01 and angelycdevil. They put up with so much from me. LOL Love you babies!**

**I am woefully short on review replays. I am so very sorry. Know that I read and love each and everyone.**

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Chapter 10

_Tuesday afternoons were amongst the best of my week. It wasn't cool to hang out with your older brother, but my sister took time out every week to do just that._

_Lizzie and I were a study in opposites. Where I was edgy and dark, she was airy and bohemian. Where I was a slacker, she was a straight A student. She got on my every last nerve, but I loved her to death. We were only two years apart, but she was my little sister, and it was my job to take care of her._

_She was stretched out next to me on the couch, legs propped up on the little table in front of us. This corner of the coffee house was quiet, and it was just us.. Me, the tattooed, pierced dark soul, and her, a bright, clean, chaotic mess. We made quite the pair._

_"So, how behind on your grades are you?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye._

_"None of your business."_

_"Is Dad gonna be mad when we go home?"_

_I shrugged. "He might be a little upset."_

_"You don't seem to upset about it. Is that a smile on your face?"_

_"None of your business." I couldn't help grinning harder. All I could think about was my beautiful girlfriend tangled in the rumpled sheets I had left her in._

_"That is a smile! Did you meet someone?" Lizzy's grin was mischievous, but there was also a dark hint of worry hidden in her eyes._

_"What makes you think that?"_

_"If there is anything that can make you smile like that, it's a girl."_

_I sighed in defeat. My baby sister almost squealed with excitement._

_My mind conjured up the image of Bella's sleeping face. "Her name is Bella, and I think I'm in love with her."_


End file.
